In the footsteps of a woman's asylum journey
Every day, women and children flee because of gender-based violence, such as female genital mutilation/cutting or early and forced marriage. During their travel they are confronted with many dangers, they fight for their survival and sometimes experience further violence.
We would like to invite you to put yourself in the shoes of one of these women and follow their route. The experiences described are derived from the stories of survivors. These women came from many different countries. It can happen anywhere. It is happening right now.
Trigger warning!
The content of this role-game may be emotionally challenging. Please take good care of yourself while playing. You can stop the game at any time. Depending on your decisions, the game can contain the following content:
Sexual assault, Abuse, Violence, Kidnapping, Death or dying, Miscarriage, Abortion, Racism and Torture.
Please note:
The game is realistically written to show what can happen on a women’s asylum route based on the experiences of survivors. But it is not a guide for migration or asylum. The aim is to raise awareness about the situation of women and the violence some of them experience on the asylum road. If you want more information about asylum, contact:
In Germany: LESSAN e. V. – info@lessan.eu
In France: Femmes Entraide et Autonomie – fea.association@gmail.com
In the Netherlands: Stichting HIMILO – info@himilo.org
Disclaimer
Co-funded by the European Union. Views and opinions expressed are, however, those of the authors only and do not necessarily reflect those of the European Union or the European Commission. Neither the European Union nor the European Commission can be held responsible for them.
Introduction
You are a young woman with a five-year-old daughter.
In your country there are political turbulences and war, leading to social and economic problems. There are even days you don’t even have food to eat. But even worse are the days you can’t even give food to your daughter. You want her to grow up healthy, have a good education and live the life you always dreamed of. It is hard as a woman. You know you are expected to marry her to a man for the wrong reasons when she is old enough. It will be for money or for the family, but it would not be for her. Chances are high that he won’t love her. That she will belong to him, as a domestic slave, do all the chores, all the work, have sex with him whenever he wants, give birth to his children, be abused and raped. Just as you did. You don’t want this for her. You want her to be loved, you want her to be free. She is still young, but you already know what will happen. The way it happened to you as well. Soon she will be mutilated, the family is already planning a little celebration for it. But you are afraid. Everybody says it is the right thing to do. They say it will make her a clean and pure woman. You don’t believe that.
Last week a girl in your village died of the genital mutilation. She lost too much blood and the wounds got infected. You can’t lose your daughter like that. And even if she survives, there will be severe consequences. You never talk about it, but you are still suffering so much from your own mutilation. You don’t want this for your daughter.
You are thinking about taking her and leaving the country. To try and make your way to Europe, or any other places where you both can have a better life there.
But you know this is not an easy choice and the risks you are taking as the route to Europe is very dangerous. You would have to leave your country and everything you know. And worse than that, you will have to leave your family without knowing if you will ever see them again. What do you want to do? Stay, flee to a neighbouring country, or flee to Europe?
You decided to stay. It is too dangerous to go. You don’t know what would have happened to the two of you, and you can’t risk it. Though this is difficult sometimes, this is where the ones you love live, this is where you grew up and you know who and where you can ask for support when needs be. You will stay, but you will fight.
You still have options; you could ask local authorities for help or leave your city and escape to a city close by.
You decided to ask your local authorities for help. As soon as you tell them, you start feeling that the person you are talking to doesn’t care about you or your daughter. Maybe he is even sympathising with your family. He makes it clear that he can’t help you with it, because it is too complicated to go against a tradition that is still supported by most of the community. He seems open for bribery, so you are thinking about offering him money. However, you are not sure if there is anything he can do, and you don’t want to give the few savings you have for an uncertainty. You decide to keep your money to find another way. Maybe you could leave your village and escape to a city close by? Or flee to a neighbouring country?
You escaped to a city close by. It is a new start but at least you are not far from home, and you understand the language and the culture. Also, the city makes it easier for you to find a job and stay anonymous. The months go by, and you start building up a life for your daughter and yourself. But one day when you are coming to work, your family is already sitting there, waiting. They somehow found you. Will you go back with them to your village or flee to a neighbouring country?
You just needed to get away from all that social pressure and threats for your daughters’ future. You decided to flee but to stay close, so you chose to go to a neighbouring country. The trip was harsh, but you arrived. Now you have to build up a new life. In your expectation it was better, it feels like all your problems followed you. You are still poor, still hungry and it got even harder to find a job. Though you could find people from the same country or tribe than you, you don’t have the support system of your family anymore. You are now away from your social group and the pressure of excision and early and forced marriage is lesser. But after a while, you will be part of the society again and it will be an issue. You hope things will change over time, and that women who haven’t been mutilated will soon be better treated and accepted in society. You have to start everything from the scratch: your family life, your finance, your neighbourhood. It is a big challenge to find new friends and a job. After a while, you face two options: There is a restaurant in which you could work, and a woman told you about a women's shelter run by a local organisation. Where do you want to go?
You found a job in a restaurant. The owner proposes that you and your daughter stay in a back room until you have enough money to find your own place. However, he expects sex in return. Do you accept or refuse?
It was a hard choice, but you accept as it prevents you from staying in the streets with your daughter. You hope you'll find another solution later. The time goes by, and the days are hard: you must be available for sex anytime the owner wants and work a lot. After some weeks, you start puking in the morning. You first think it is only a reaction of your body to all the stress and to your disgust, but then you notice that your period does not come. You are so scared about what will happen now. You don’t know how you’ll manage to take care of a new-born in your current situation. You don’t know how the restaurant owner would react to the news, but you take all your strength and tell him that you are pregnant. He just stares at you for a minute, which feels like ages to you. Then he starts yelling at you, calling you bad names and saying that this is not his child, and orders you to leave his restaurant immediately. He never wants to see you again. You pick up your daughter and the little belongings you have and run away from this place. At least you have some savings with you, though it won’t last long. You are on the street again, with your little daughter holding your hand and expecting a baby. You wonder if you should get an abortion. Do you want to try an abortion or keep the baby?
Here you are, after all the hope and disappointment, on the street with a little girl. Do you want to try to go back to your home country? Or do you want to stay and fight, maybe you will find some other job? Or do you want to consider trying to make your way to Europe?
You chose to fight and finally found another job on the market. However, one day, you look into a familiar face: it is your brother, who came to buy some supplies here. He already saw you; it is too late to hide now. He is very angry and wants to force you to go back home. Do you go with him or try to escape from him?
You decided to flee to Europe. Now you are searching for a person who can help you leave the country.
There is a man saying he wants to drive to one of the big hot spots for people willing to leave the continent. It would be the first stop on your route and a huge help. But you are not sure if he is trustworthy. Will you and your daughter get into the car with him or try to walk?
You tried to be as nice and polite as you can be because you are afraid, he could change his mind and leave you stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere. After a while, he starts to get a little flirty and to touch your leg. You are afraid that he thinks you owe him sex for taking you to another city. Do you tell him to stop, even though your daughter and you might be stranded somewhere and without knowing if he would even listen to your request to stop, or do you let him touch you?
Luckily, he stops touching you. He seems a little angry but is not doing anything. Everything in you was made up of fear, you notice how stiff your body was, how you could hardly move. It is such a relief to be out of that situation. He didn’t rape you, even though you know he could have done it. You feel all the tension leave your body. But you have to leave the car. Your daughter and you must walk by foot now. You are not even sure of the direction.
You are walking. It will be a long march. You are not sure about the destination, but you can ask along the way. It is so warm; the sun is burning. You try to cover up all the skin of yourself and your daughter. You can’t carry enough water but it’s not always possible to buy new, you need to ration it. You are so thirsty. Your feet are hurting, your back is hurting, and you feel so dizzy. Your daughter will die of thirst faster than you. She can’t walk anymore but she is too heavy to be carried all the time. You already have your luggage and the water to carry.
If you keep on walking, it can become her death. You estimate you are half-way from the two cities, so even if you choose to go backward, you will have to walk the same distance. Do you keep on walking or rest a little?
You dream of green trees and water, so much water, glittering in the sun. Then you wake up by the screaming of your daughter. You fell asleep and a group of bandits stole most of your possessions. But your daughter is still there, they didn’t steal her. “Not yet” is the voice in your mind whispering and you are asking yourself how you can protect her. Most of the money is gone. You want to cry but don’t want your daughter to see. You needed that money to get on a boat to Europe. But now you must get to the next city first. You will find a solution then. Your daughter faints. You feel like you are a horrible mother for letting her walk all the way with all the heat burning down on you. You give her the rest of the water and pray for a miracle. It won’t be long anymore, maybe you can make it to the next city. Do you want to hitchhike or keep on walking?
Your daughter is resting while you are standing next to the road, hoping for a car to stop for you. You are waiting for hours. Finally, a car pulls over. The windows are shady, and you already feel your heart beating. No matter what, you will have to get into this car. Your daughter is so quiet now, you are afraid that the heat and the lack of water is too much. Deep in your heart you know that if you don’t get inside this car, she may have insulation or even die. You hope you’ll be lucky. The window of the car goes down. Inside there is a family. You feel your heart getting lighter as you get into the car. They are friendly and are giving you some water. You fall asleep on the ride. You wake up with a beating heart, afraid of what happened while you were sleeping. You tell yourself to never trust anybody. They could have been thieves or child traffickers in disguise, who only let you drive with them to get your girl. But they are not. Just friendly people. You arrive in the next city.
You arrived in the city. There are so many people, it feels very chaotic. The city is one of those hot spots for refugee routes, men and women from many different countries are coming together to find their way to Europe from here on. There are so many men. You don’t really want to talk to them. You don’t want them to see what situation you and your daughter are in. If they knew about it, they might exploit it. It is better if they see you as a native, a woman and her daughter, living in this city, going home to their husband and father, having the rest of the family close by. But somehow you still need some people to know. You need smugglers and a way to Europe. But first, you need to find a place to sleep and rest. A safe place with some tap water would be perfect. You really want to wash yourself. You could try to find people speaking your language and ask around if you could rent a room and pay it with work - maybe the locals or other displaced people or refugees know a place to sleep?
In order to provide some security and avoid staying on the street, you start asking around if anybody knows a good place to sleep. It doesn't take long until someone brings you to a house with a dormitory. The dormitory is a big room with many people from different countries, men and women, which you share. You can be assaulted and robbed at any time. It is hard to fall asleep like that, always afraid of what you will wake up to. But you believe it is still better than sleeping on the streets. You started doing various jobs, to gather the money for your stay in the dormitory and your onward journey. It is always risky to go to work. Each time it breaks your heart to leave your daughter alone, you are so afraid that something could happen to her. But you are also afraid that one day you won't return from your work. But you make it. After some months you have enough money to start looking for a smuggler.
The woman you talked to knows about a displaced camp managed by the UNHCR in which some NGOs propose their help. You go there and are lucky: you get registered and offered a room. Even your daughter can go to the school camp. However, the living conditions are very difficult. It is crowded and unhygienic and there is not a lot of perspective. You meet a group of people who want to find a way to go to Europe. They say they found a bus which will bring you to the coast and from thereon you can take a boat to Europe. Do you want to stay in the camp or go with the group?
You know it would be better to meet a smuggler recommended by other refugees, but you don’t know how to do that. However, your situation must have been obvious: some smugglers contact you first. You bought some water and food and sat beside the street with your daughter to eat and drink. A man approaches you and asks you “Where are you from?” You look away. Against the sun you can’t see his face and it might be dangerous to talk to him. “Do you want to go to Europe?”, he is asking. You still look away, ignoring him. Before leaving, he tells you that the bus will leave next Monday and if you want to come, you must meet him at 5pm in front of the marketplace and bring the money. You know this is not the boat trip yet. He will bring you to the coast and from there on, you will still need a way to get over the ocean. You guess he will take you in some kind of crowded vehicle, and that it can be dangerous. You don’t feel he is trustworthy, and he asked for all the money you have to pay for the ride. But on the other hand, you need to reach the coast and keep going. Will you meet the man at 5 pm and join them or try to find another way?
He shows you the car in which he could take you and explains the route to you. You will be a group of ten refugees, another woman with her two children is in the group as well and you are thinking about asking her to carry on together. It seems to be less dangerous than what you expected it to be. The only problem is the money, it is nearly all you have. There only will be a little for maybe one bus ride or two weeks of food and water. You would need to pay right now but he will pick you up tomorrow. You know the guy may be one of the scammers who try to get the money without performing. You know the money will be gone but you decide to take a risk and give it to him. On Monday morning you are standing at the appointed place, but nobody is coming. Your money is gone and so is the chance of a safe transportation. You wait the whole day. All your energy left you to do something else, a big hopelessness has covered your heart. The sun goes down again and finally you get up. You need to find a job and collect some money again. You’re lucky enough to find work in a canteen in a construction site, and sometimes you also beg in the streets. Finally, you have some money again to find a new smuggler.
You take a very crowded bus with people travelling even on the roof. You are hoping for a place inside the bus, it is so dangerous on the roof. It is a miracle that nobody has fallen yet. But then they tell you to climb upstairs. You are thinking of saying ‘no’ but what can you do? You already paid for the ride, and you know it wouldn’t make a difference, the next bus will be as full as this. Somehow you get a place in the middle of the roof. Everybody is rough with you, no one has any consideration for you or your daughter. You are completely cramped and as a woman this also means that you are touched everywhere by strangers. Suddenly everything happens so quickly: the bus drives over a big bump, making all of you jump. One man can’t hold himself and falls down. You hear the person who was sitting next to him screaming his name, but the bus doesn’t stop. You press your daughter’s face into your chest to shield her from this experience. The time goes by. Your body hurts from sitting still and you desperately need to pee. Your daughter already peed herself. Somebody puked. Now you are a little glad to sit on the roof, the smell is not that bad outside. Finally, you arrive at the coast.
Finally, you arrive near the coast. Hundreds of other people from different countries are there too and try their luck every day.
When the bus rolls in, you realise that there is a checkpoint with armed men waiting for the group. As you get out, they ask everybody to pay, all your money gets stolen. You have to undress yourself in front of them, because they want to check if you are hiding anything else. It is very humiliating, standing there naked in front of everyone and being checked. But you consider yourself one of the lucky ones, because they are also kidnapping some people for human or organ trafficking. Little girls like your daughter can be enslaved and assigned to families you don't even know. A lot of people are made prisoners and set apart. The armed men may ask some ransom to their families or subject them to human trafficking. The ones who try to escape are killed in front of everybody.
They are already done with you, so you take your daughter and quickly hide into the crowd of people, hoping they will not eventually catch you. Quickly you need to decide which side of the road to take: go left to reach the village nearby or go right to go to the city?
You turned left to join the small village, but you didn’t come far. Two men with guns approach you. They tell you to come with them. You know they will put you in a so called “refugee camp”, which is nothing else than a prison, where you are very likely to get tortured and killed. Will you go with them or take your daughter and run, knowing they might shoot you?
You turned right into the city. The feeling that something very bad might happen follows you. As soon as you feel a little safer, to not be thrown into the prison, you carefully try to ask locals if they have any ideas where you could earn some money.
You know that, if you approach the wrong person, you risk everything. You could be forced into prostitution or exploited in all kinds of jobs. But you need to find a job. And there is no way to know, which person will cause you harm and which don't.
You see two women, one is very young, the other is older and is holding a child. Which of them do you approach?
The young woman understands your situation. She is almost the same age as you. The man she brings you to is looking at you from head to toe, his eyes resting for a long time on your breasts. Then he nods - you are allowed to work as a prostitute for him. You don't want to, but you don't feel like having a choice. He is a smuggler, and he offers you work so you will receive a place on one of the boats to Europe. You must give all the money you earn to him but somehow also pay for the boat ride. Sometimes you tell him you have earned less than what you really got so you can keep the rest for the crossing. Months of prostitution in which you are exploited, tormented, and raped are ahead of you. After several months, the man tells you that you can take the boat to Europe next week.
You approached the woman with a child. She knows a place where you could work, and you end up in a private household as a servant to do the cleaning. They pay you close to nothing, and you need to use your first wage to buy the cleaning materials. You are very hungry. Sometimes when you have to throw away some food that they don't eat, you put them in a bin bag and take it with you for your daughter and you to eat later. Most of the money you earned must be saved for the crossing. You want this to be over quickly. The city you live in is very dangerous. You live in constant fear that somebody will catch you and throw you into prison. You are having flashbacks of the other people killed in front of you.
You need to get away, but it still will be lots of months of very hard work and exploitation.
Each time you go to work you need to leave your daughter alone, each time hoping nothing happened to her. And while working you never know when the man of the house will come to you. He feels like you belong to him, not only as a servant for the cleaning but also as a sexual slave. Sometimes you feel so worthless. But you have your goal in your mind, you will do this for your daughter and somehow you will give her a better life. She will never have to do something like this.
After months of work you finally had enough money to pay a smuggler gang you found through the connections you created in the city.
Finally, you meet the smuggler who will get you to Europe. The boat ride is very dangerous, you know that lots of people drown in the Mediterranean Sea and Atlantic.
There is nearly nothing you can do to make sure that you will be on one of the boats which will make it, it is more like rolling the dice and hoping to get lucky. You got offered another option by the smuggler: To sell your kidney – then you would have enough money to not go on one of those rubber boats. You would go on a big boat out of wood, with a captain, food and water and the possibility to take your luggage. It will be safer, but the operation won’t be. Already the thought of someone cutting you open and taking an organ makes you feel sick but the thought of being on the open sea with only a rubber boat scares you as well. What do you choose?
You are on a boat now. Finally. But there is no relief yet. The boat is so overcrowded there are no gaps left. All the people on it make it rock very hard on the waves. Most of the people get seasick, they vomit on top of each other. You are driving for days, confused, not knowing the direction. You are running out of food and water. Many people die of fever and thirst. Some got unconscious and were thrown into the sea. Then you ran out of fuel as well. You lost all your hope to ever reach the mainland. It is just drifting and waiting. Then you see a boat. Those of you who still have the energy to shout, are doing that. The boat is coming towards you. As they come closer you see friendly faces, with a very concerned look on them. They are waving, trying to say something calming which you don’t understand. But body language can be universal, and you know they are trying to help. They get you on their boat, give you a blanket and something to eat and drink. One person is going around, checking on the sick, giving medication. After a while you find out that the people who saved you are from a nongovernmental lifesaving organisation. The authorities on land are still discussing whether to allow the boat into the harbour. You are running out of supplies and some passengers are in urgent need of medical attention. After many days of waiting, they finally let you dock.
The rubber boat you are going on to is so crowded, you feel people pressed against your body from all sides. Now you can’t do anything anymore but wait. You hold your daughter very close to you. The boat is rocking in the waves, most of you get seasick. You need to vomit but you can’t move away from the other people because the boat is so crowded, so you vomit into the clothes you are wearing. You are so thirsty, there is just not enough water. And you are so confused, you don’t know if you are going in the right direction. Already four days passed by, how much longer will it take? How long does it usually take? Did you go wrong and will never reach the mainland before you are completely out of fuel and water? Then you see a coast guard ship. It looks big and dangerous. You heard of those ships. Maybe they won’t let you enter the mainland and instead do a pushback. You can’t go back. There definitely wouldn’t be enough fuel and supplies. If they do it, it will be your death. Your thoughts come to a sudden end when you see that the other boat let all of you come on board. They won’t send you back or let you drown. Inside of the ship you receive some water and food, then the coast guard is heading for the coast to bring you to a refugee camp.
The rubber boat under you is rocking on the waves. You are feeling so sick. Everybody around you is vomiting as well. You are pressed into the boat with way too many people, it is so crowded, you can’t move. At some big waves some people fell overboard but there was no chance of saving them, sometimes people who got unconscious or sick were even thrown into the water. The food and water are gone, some people already die of fever, thirst and exhaustion. You know that if you don’t reach the mainland soon your daughter won’t make it and you yourself feel very weak as well. It feels like it takes forever, and everybody on board is so confused, just waiting and hoping that you are heading towards the right direction and that the fuel will be enough. Finally, you see something on the horizon. The mainland. As you go closer some people are jumping off the boat, swimming the last metres. You wait a little longer, but you also want to reach the mainland before anybody sees that you are here. Close to the coast you jump into the water, it’s not deep anymore and you can carry your daughter to the stony beach you are seeing.
You decide to sell your kidney. This feels like one of the hardest decisions you ever had to make. Everything in you doesn’t want to go that far. But you saw the pictures of people on rubber boats, sinking and drowning. You knew that horrible things may happen on the way, but you decided to leave your home country to protect your daughter from the genital mutilation and the early marriage. And now it is time to protect her from drowning. Organ transplantation is illegal, and your kidney will be sold on the black market. There is no possibility to ensure a safe operation or aftercare. But you will hope for the best and talk to other people willing to take the boat. You already saw a woman with her own child, and you will ask her to take care of your daughter in case something happens to you. With the smuggler you made a deal that whatever happens, your daughter will be on that boat.
You woke up and there was so much pain. But the doctors got you some pain killers and after some weeks you felt better. You were lucky, everything went well: You had no infections or complications during or after the operation. But you know that you are having more risks in the future like high blood pressure or the failing of your other kidney. A big scar will be a lifelong reminder of what you had to sacrifice for the safety of your daughter and yourself. The feeling of exhaustion is not going away for several months, you are always a little tired and you don’t feel as physically strong as you used to feel. But the smuggler kept his word. You and your daughter are now on a bigger wood boat on the way to Europe. It feels safe and steady, and you were able to bring your little belongings and some food and water. The transportation is still rough, and some people get seasick, but you make it.
When your feet touched the ground, you couldn’t stop crying. Part of it from relief that both of you are still alive, part from all the pain you experienced. Now you are here, in Europe. Now you can try your best to give your daughter the life you want her to have: Free and happy, without an early and forced marriage and without the genital mutilation. But you can’t just go to another country, look for a job and finally have a life again. You are transferred to a camp. The camp is like a little tent city, cut off from society and you’re not authorised to go out. There is too little of everything, too few shelters, sleeping places, sanitary facilities. The camps are filled far beyond what is bearable. Hygiene conditions are poor, and some diseases spread easily and quickly. Everybody experienced trauma and a lot of people are depressed, have anxiety attacks or PTSD. Some local NGOs are in the camp and doing their best to help but there are restrictions on what an NGO can do, and they don’t necessarily have enough resources to do better. The more you talk to people the more you find out that there is nearly no perspective, many stay in the camp for years. In the years to come you may experience sexual assaults and other kinds of violence in the camp, as well as institutional violence by the authorities who were supposed to protect you. The only thing you can do is to keep on waiting and hoping for asylum. You know that if they deny your asylum, you will be deported. Everything that happened on the way and all the risks you took would have been for nothing. You just hope you said the right things and that they will believe you.
Your asylum was denied. The decision makers thought you came as an economic refugee and you were not able to convince them that you came to protect your daughter, you just didn’t find the right words because you are not used to speaking about those things. No asylum. After everything you went through. You don’t want to go back, so you ran away before they could deport you. Now you are in the country illegally, which means you have no rights, no protection, no health care. If anything happens you can't just go to the police and people who want to exploit you know about that. You can't find a legal job in which you would get a normal pay and fair working hours. You can't even bring your daughter to a doctor if she gets sick or use any kind of governmental aid, like a kindergarten, to have somebody to look after her while you are working.
Your only option to still get papers now is to marry. Do you try to find a husband or try to find a job?
After months in the camp, you finally got a notice: your asylum was granted! You will get papers and a work permit and can leave the camp now! You are so happy! Somehow you managed to find support from an organisation, who helps you find a room to live in with your daughter and she can finally go to school. But there still will be lots of struggles for you to face: There is a lot of racism and discrimination. For people with a migrant background, finding a job is very difficult. You feel the way people look at you all the time. Also, you didn’t get the chance to educate yourself yet, you will need to learn how to read and write and you will need to learn a whole new language. You also know you need to find some psychological support, especially for your daughter, after all the traumatic experiences you went through. But this is the beginning of another story.
You are back “home” now. Your family is angry. They say you betrayed them by fleeing and you lost your honour. They also face critics in the community. You are now enduring even more violence than before. You are kept locked in the house, and they are forbidding you to go out. You know you don’t have the possibility to flee again, especially with them looking after your daughter every minute. If you show disobedience, they don’t let you close to her anymore and they will never give you the chance to take her with you and flee again. So, you need to let some time pass and then, when they are not expecting it, you will flee again. One day. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You can’t live with a baby on the street, and you need all your strength to be there for your daughter, so you decide to get an abortion. It is illegal and you don’t have a lot of savings. The only option is an unsafe abortion. You found a person who will do it for the savings you have. He says he is a medical expert, but you don’t really believe him. The backroom he leads you to doesn’t look clean. You are afraid and think about changing your mind but the thought of how your life will be with that baby makes you stay. The man makes you lie down on the table and takes a wire. You don’t know what he is doing but it is very painful and there is a lot of blood. Afterwards he takes your money and tells you that you are not pregnant anymore. You don’t have the time to feel relieved, you are about to faint, the pain is just too much. Few days later, you have a high fever, and you know that something went wrong. Maybe he injured your internal organs, maybe you have an infection. Your last thought before you die is about your daughter, who will end up in an orphanage. You hope someone will take care of her. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You are back “home” now. Your family is angry. They say you betrayed them by fleeing and you lost your honour. They also face critics in the community. You are now enduring even more violence than before. You are kept locked in the house, and they are forbidding you to go out. You know you don’t have the possibility to flee again, especially with them looking after your daughter every minute. If you show disobedience, they don’t let you close to her anymore and they will never give you the chance to take her with you and flee again. So, you need to let some time pass and then, when they are not expecting it, you will flee again. One day. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You are back “home” now. Your family is angry. They say you betrayed them by fleeing and you lost your honour. They also face critics in the community. You are now enduring even more violence than before. You are kept locked in the house, and they are forbidding you to go out. You know you don’t have the possibility to flee again, especially with them looking after your daughter every minute. If you show disobedience, they don’t let you close to her anymore and they will never give you the chance to take her with you and flee again. So, you need to let some time pass and then, when they are not expecting it, you will flee again. One day. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You thought it’s not that far anymore but it’s hard to tell. Your daughter is so quiet now, you worry about her. You begin to hallucinate and decide to rest a little more. You fall asleep. You are afraid of burglars or child traffickers, but you need to rest. After some hours, you wake up and try to wake your daughter. Maybe you can even carry her a bit. You call her name, but nothing happens. You start touching her. The fear crawls over your skin. You start screaming and shaking her, but deep down you already know she is not waking up anymore. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You decided to stay in the camp. Your journey ends here for now. You don’t know what would have happened on your way to Europe and whether you would have made it. The camp is not the childhood and future you wanted for your daughter, but you are so exhausted you just can’t keep on going. You know it can take a long time before knowing if you will be resettled or expelled and decide to wait. At least you probably saved your daughter from the mutilation and early marriage. So, for now you will stay and make the best out of your situation. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You know what will happen when they catch you. You saw some videos. How they are threatening the families of the people they catch and how they kill them in front of a camera if they don’t pay. You know your family won’t pay for you. You pick up your daughter, whose hand you were holding. You just have to run 30 metres to be able to hide between the trees, bushes and small huts. Maybe you can still reach that. Maybe they will miss. Maybe they can’t bring it over them to shoot a mother with her child on her arm. Maybe.... Yes, running is the only option. You hold up your one hand in the air screaming to the men “I am not armed. I have a child here.” Then you start running. They don’t even hesitate. You hear the loud sound of five shots being fired. They didn’t miss. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
There is just no chance they wouldn’t shoot you. Maybe you can still find a way to escape. Maybe the stories about those so-called detention centres are not true. You hold your hands in the air to show them that you are not armed. Then you pick up your daughter, whose hand you were holding, and go with them. As soon as you are close to them, they take you and push you. You hear the crying of other people who are already in the prison as they throw you inside. They seem to be officials, with their helmets on and batons in their hands, and they do not hesitate to use them. You see a huge group of people lying on the floor, arms on their backs. If they try to move, they are beaten. One of the men throws you there as well with your daughter. You whisper to her that she shouldn’t move and try to shield your daughters’ body with your own. People are thrown above you. You don’t know how long this takes, you are lying there, just waiting, for hours. There is no way you could escape. Then you are picked. They put you in a cell and bring your daughter somewhere else. You scream her name and fight while they carry you away, but they couldn’t care less. You also hear the crying of your daughter and her desperate calls for you. They are taking a video of you to send to your family, to threaten them to send some money. You pray for your daughter. You need to get out of here to find her. A few days later, they come and get you. You know this is it, that your family did not send money or could not send enough. You’re killed in front of the camera. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
The boat is broken. You don’t want to get on it. While you refuse, they still put you on it, because they want to keep the money and they don’t want you to post anything about them. You are crying and begging them to please let you go, but they have guns. So, you pray that the boat will make it. They pick a young guy out of your group and tell him to drive the boat. You can see in his fearful eyes that he never drove a boat and has no idea which way to go. But he obeys. You will never find out if he would have found the way: only around 20 km from the coast the boat sinks. You never learned swimming but even if you could it would be too far. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
You did it. You are on the water. One of you is driving the super crowded boat and you hope so much that he knows the right direction. You didn’t get far. A ship from the coast guard saw you and is heading towards you. There is no way to go faster and somehow outrun them. They are coming, they are having guns and they are taking you back to the mainland. As soon as your feet touch the ground you are thinking of running away, but there is no real chance. They have guns. So, you stay. All of you are thrown into a prison or detention centre in the Sahara Desert, in the middle of nowhere. There is no chance to escape. There are all forms of violence happening and the living conditions are very poor: the hygiene is bad, and you and your daughter don’t get enough food. A fever is spreading because of those conditions and both of you get ill. You fear for your daughter's life, but you are too ill to take care of her. But there is someone with you, bringing you water from time to time and singing to your daughter. You hear the voice of that woman telling you that she is getting better. You are relieved. But your body is not recovering, after everything that happened you have no more strength. You die of the fever. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
The smuggler didn’t care if you lived or died. You never woke up from the operation table. The operation was illegal, so it was easy for them to take away other organs as well to sell them on the black market. You will never know if the smuggler at least kept his word regarding your daughter and if she made her way to Europe.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
So, this is it, this is what you made the journey for. You are working illegally now, afraid to be found by the government, afraid to be put in prison or get deported. You need to keep a low profile. Nobody will protect you if something happens. You try to look for a job and for a while you can work in the field for a private farmer. The chemicals you work with are giving you a headache and you are treated with a lot of violence. Then your daughter got sick. You had nobody to look after her and you couldn't even bring her to a doctor. When you can’t work, they don’t pay you for the days missed. Your daughter got better again but the worries stayed: what if one day, one of you will have bigger health problems? You will never know if it is safe to go to the doctors or if they might report you. What if next time you are the one who will get sick, and you won’t be able to work for a month or two? How will you pay for food and rent then? What if you will be thrown out of the apartment you live in? You know you are super lucky that you found it, because normally people want to see papers to rent a room. And normally they don’t want to receive the money in cash, but without papers you can’t even open a bank account. And what if one day a neighbour gets suspicious and calls the police? You will need to move from time to time so that you won’t attract so much attention. But what kind of life is this for you and your daughter? And how can you provide a better future for your daughter, if you can’t let her go to school without the fear of being caught? You both have nightmares and, when you hear strange sounds at night, you experience panic attacks. You know your daughter is traumatised as well, but how to get psychological support for her in those conditions? You have no answers to those questions yet, but you know you will figure something out. In the worst case, you can check how to ask for a voluntary return. But this will be another story. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
The only way you could see now was to marry to somehow get your papers. You meet a man who promises to marry you. To get a wedding visa for you he not only needs your passport, but also your birth certificate, which you don’t have with you, a certificate of marriageability, for which you need to apply for in your home country or the embassy (but you can’t enter the embassy as you’re currently illegal in the country) and a confirmation of registration or residence, which of course you don’t have either. Also, the municipality may request an investigation to check that the wedding is not made for the paper. Your supposed soon to be husband tells you not to worry too much, that he will take care of everything. But he doesn’t. After you give him your passport, he doesn’t marry you – he just keeps your documents and forbids you to go out. Your daughter is trapped inside as well and can’t go to school. For him you become a cheap “housewife”, somebody to cook for him, clean after him and take care for all his needs, especially the sexual ones. In the second month the hitting started. Whenever you did anything "wrong" or not "fast enough" or sometimes if he was just in a bad mood, he passed his frustration to you, yelling at you and hitting you. You can't get help; you don't even have papers and you don't want to be deported. And you can't save money for your escape. He made you pregnant and you can't imagine your life on the streets with your little daughter and an even smaller baby. So, you stay, hoping that your daughter and the unborn can at least go to school and leave this place one day. End.
You have reached one of the 17 different endings of the game. Thank you very much for playing! We hope that the game provided you an insight on the situation of women who decided to flee from gender-based violence such as FGM or early and forced marriage and the violence they might be facing on their asylum routes.
After months in the camp, you finally got a notice: your asylum was granted! You will get papers and a work permit and can leave the camp now! You are so happy! Somehow you managed to find support from an organisation, who helps you find a room to live in with your daughter and she can finally go to school. But there still will be lots of struggles for you to face: There is a lot of racism and discrimination. For people with a migrant background, finding a job is very difficult. You feel the way people look at you all the time. Also, you didn’t get the chance to educate yourself yet, you will need to learn how to read and write and you will need to learn a whole new language. You also know you need to find some psychological support, especially for your daughter, after all the traumatic experiences you went through. But this is the beginning of another story.
You finally arrived in France.
Fortunately for you, some volunteers from an organisation were at the border that you crossed and gave you water, warm clothes and took you by car to the first reception centre for asylum seekers (SPADA). The SPADA informed you about the asylum procedure and managed to get an appointment at the nearest single-desk contact point for asylum seekers (GUDA).
It took you weeks to get this appointment. Weeks of insecurity as you could do nothing but wait in a dormitory centre with your daughter. The centre was crowded and lacked privacy.
After getting your appointment, you were referred to an organisation running a CADA – Welcoming centre for asylum seekers- that is now supporting you. They suggested that you stay in a small hotel room in a nearby city. Though it is not convenient, it is still better for your daughter and for you than to stay in the dormitory centre. You found an organisation that provides you with basic food and hygiene items every second week so at least you have enough to eat.
The centre offers primary health care for you and your daughter and is currently looking for a school for your daughter. They are supporting you with the asylum-seeking process on the ground of female genital mutilation, but it is complicated for you. You do not speak French well; you barely know how to read and write. And as you’re still not granted asylum, you cannot access French or literacy courses. You have to remember all the appointments in your head, and always need help to read the numerous official documents you receive. This is so complicated!
You feel exhausted and depressed. Your daughter has nightmares at night, and sometimes she has regressive behaviour and pees in her bed. The organisation that supports you doesn’t provide psychological support, and you can’t manage to pay it by yourself. Anyway, you have so many things to think about that you can’t engage in therapy. You just hope your daughter could… The examination by the forensic medical doctor to prove she was not mutilated was really hard for her. She was so afraid to get undressed in front of the male doctor and cried all day.
At least, you can talk to a social worker of the organisation supporting you. She put you in contact with a lawyer, who is familiar with the asylum process for women who went through the same difficulties as you. The lawyer received a training from Femmes Entraide et Autonomie on female genital mutilation and early and forced marriage and understands you. She helps you to write and organise your story to prepare the appointment at the Ofpra but you feel so much pressure to do it well. And you know you’ll be alone for your interview, and that the interviewer may press you and question your story. You know you cannot make any “mistake” nor be unclear. Even though you’ll have to talk about very private issues. Issues you don’t want to talk about again and again. But you know you have to. For your daughter. And that you’ll find strength for that. But this is the beginning of another story.
If you arrive in Germany without paper, you are an undesirable person. You are not allowed to work. You are not in the health system. You hear that you can go to an emergency room and still get treatment, but you are afraid of doing that, afraid somebody will call the police. You do jobs illegally and are at the whim of the employer: all forms of violence can happen to you, because you are there illegally and can’t complain.
You are living permanently in fear of being caught by the police and ending up in prison or being deported.
Applying for asylum comes with a long process. The counselling centres are far from specialised in gender-based violence, so it is not easy for them to help you, that your documents are well prepared. You are afraid to talk about your story, so many things that happened make you feel ashamed and in your original country you don’t talk about certain topics.
Early and forced marriage, female genital mutilation, rape, forced prostitution, threats of murder, human trafficking, persecution upon return to the regions of origin are often not given enough attention and sensitivity in the asylum process. The persons working around the asylum process (decision-makers, educators, interpreters) are not trained in this field and if you don’t get the right support, chances are high you will not find the right words or fill out the papers in a correct way and therefore the probability that the application will be rejected is high. Only a little more than half of the asylum applications in Germany are granted.
You are one of them, of the lucky ones who don’t get deported. You now got your papers in Germany. Now you can go to a language course and try to learn some German. You were welcomed within your community and heard a change mediator, who was trained by LESSAN, speak about female genital mutilation and how to protect your children. In the future you want to talk with him about your daughter. You want to visit LESSAN e. V. and receive some help for yourself - you heard that they are doing counselling for survivors. Also, you are trying to find a job. You are not forced into illegal work anymore but with a refugee background it is hard to find a good job or any job at all. But you saved your daughter from the genital mutilation and the forced marriage. You are here now, and you know you are a strong woman. You will find a way now. This is the beginning of another story.
After arriving in the Netherlands, you and your daughter first report in person as asylum seekers at an application centre (in Dutch: aanmeldcentrum or AC). The AC is the building where your asylum procedure begins. You take a bus to go to the AC in Ter Apel town which is located in the north part of the Netherlands.
Upon arrival, you must report to the Immigration and Naturalisation Service (IND) application centre. An identification and registration procedure will be conducted there. The Dutch Koninklijke Marechaussee (Kmar) or police is checking your baggage, photographing you and taking your fingerprints. You will then be issued a personal “V-number”, under which you will be registered as an asylum seeker.
The Centraal Orgaan opvang asielzoekers (COA) also has a central reception centre in Ter Apel. The COA provides food, shelter and medical care. You will have your first interview with the IND during your stay there. This is called the reporting interview.
Ter Apel is currently incredibly busy, and the COA does not have enough beds to accommodate everyone who arrives. You are lucky to be admitted and that you don’t have to spend the night on a chair, like many other people. Because of the long waiting times, you are moved to another location before your identification and registration procedure has been completed, knowing that it will take several weeks before you have your reporting interview with the IND.
Asylum seekers are often taken to another location by bus in the evening. This is often emergency accommodation, such as the sports complex in which they put you and your daughter. You will be received by COA employees or employees of the municipality the emergency accommodation is in. It is currently unknown how long the emergency accommodation will remain in use. There is a good chance that you will be moved multiple times before completing your asylum procedure. Now it is time for you to wait for the application interview with a staff member of the Immigration and Naturalisation Service (IND). It might take weeks, but it also might take months.
You will have to answer general questions, for example about yourself and your journey to the Netherlands. You will also briefly explain the reason why you are applying for asylum. This will mean to speak about early and forced marriage and that you wanted to safe your daughter from female Genitale Mutilation (FGM). Those questions might be difficult to answer, and you are not used to speaking about those kinds of topics. For you it always was a taboo, which you will have to break now. Also, it will be hard to speak about the violence you experienced. The memories are coming back to you like flashbacks during night and day and you don’t want to think about it, and even more than that you don’t want insensitive questions being asked about it and speaking to strangers about it. But you don’t have a choice if you want a chance to stay in the Netherlands.
You might obtain the residence permit immediately after the decision or you might have to wait a long time. If you receive your residence permit, you are free to work in the Netherlands. Your employer does not need a working permit. You and your daughter can go to school and receive further education. But if the IND rejects your asylum application you will end up in illegality or get deported to your own country. You put all your hope in the interview and the decision makers. It will be alright; you feel like you will stay in this country. This is the beginning of another story.